Winds Of Change

Well, any of you who have been following my blogs will be quite familiar, by now, with my struggles in life, particularly regarding my role... here in YWAM, in Christianity in general, and in the world. I've written a few times about how I feel like I'm being pulled in a few different directions, each one having equal influence in it's grasp, or so it seems.

I am still there... but it feels like the dust has somewhat settled and I am to see a bit more clearly now than I have been able to in a while. The winds have calmed... but it's more like the temporary peace in the eye of a storm as opposed to any sort of permanent state. Soon enough, the winds will return in force, and I'll be thrown in the opposite direction.

That's okay, though.

As I mentioned in another post, I have been reading a bit of John Piper; something he said really hit home for me (days after I actually read it, amazing how often it is that happens). I can quote it right now... the book isn't handy, but here is what I realised: pain is a part of life. It does me no good to fear the turbulence, great or small, which effects change: for I am both powerless against it's onslaught and the beneficiary of what merit may be gained from it's experience.

Knowing this, however, we all find that the pain is still no less. What makes it bearable, though, is the impossible sunshine that is almost unthinkably shining through: my feet are firm on a Rock which cannot be shaken, my life is not in my own hands, and the storm itself is ultimately controlled by my creator.

The hard part, I'm finding, is letting go. My flesh so desperately wants to hold on to it's control, whether that control is fallacious or not; even if it is so, then my flesh will close a death grip on the illusion. I know there is One infinitely more able than I, in whose hands we all ultimately find our lives, and yet I am so deceived by 23 years of conditioning, to think the opposite: I need control. Isn't it such a great irony, friend, that the less we place ourselves at the helm of our life-ship, the greater destiny we find ourselves sailing into?